I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
