Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
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i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.