I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
this hospital has no fireball