I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated