my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
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There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many