So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.