Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.

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(201): if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter. http://tfl.nu/wtfv

Replies (27) Good night (5159) Bad night (1163)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

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(414): they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed???? http://tfl.nu/zsp8

Replies (39) Good night (6426) Bad night (1672)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.

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(570): Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal. http://tfl.nu/4lbo

Replies (6) Good night (1003) Bad night (2085)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

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(703): I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal http://tfl.nu/8ovb

Replies (2) Good night (2093) Bad night (919)
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(810): View more from Michigan

you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".

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(810): you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here". http://tfl.nu/11k9

Replies (5) Good night (2505) Bad night (969)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.

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(504): You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw. http://tfl.nu/90j8

Replies (6) Good night (3090) Bad night (1259)
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(217): View more from Illinois

If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know

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(217): If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know http://tfl.nu/k0hk

Replies (1) Good night (1361) Bad night (547)
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(256): View more from Alabama

I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.

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(256): I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train. http://tfl.nu/pxln

Replies (17) Good night (2375) Bad night (993)
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(770): View more from Georgia

He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.

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(770): He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons. http://tfl.nu/t6wz

Replies (9) Good night (604) Bad night (995)
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(+61): View more from Australia

First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.

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(+61): First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost. http://tfl.nu/c1qe

Replies (5) Good night (512) Bad night (809)
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(209): View more from California

Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol

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(209): Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol http://tfl.nu/3jn5

Replies (1) Good night (768) Bad night (360)
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(636): View more from Missouri

Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.

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(636): Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you. http://tfl.nu/ltvz

Replies (1) Good night (581) Bad night (336)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.

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(204): My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services. http://tfl.nu/kl6k

Replies (0) Good night (300) Bad night (250)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.

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(606): Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night. http://tfl.nu/a1ao

Replies (1) Good night (241) Bad night (498)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.

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(870): So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit. http://tfl.nu/thjs

Replies (7) Good night (664) Bad night (207)

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