Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?

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  (970): Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet? http://tfl.nu/tasx
  Replies (3) Good night (1874) Bad night (675)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar

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  (405): I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace... (1-405): Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar http://tfl.nu/6slq
  Replies (16) Good night (2056) Bad night (737)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won

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  (262): Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won http://tfl.nu/cdx8
  Replies (10) Good night (4756) Bad night (765)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.

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  (732): I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv. http://tfl.nu/27sr
  Replies (32) Good night (1553) Bad night (4520)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..

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  (313): I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together.. (313): I can't decide if I actually want to know or not.. http://tfl.nu/mkwc
  Replies (18) Good night (1055) Bad night (4681)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

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  (+44): If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook http://tfl.nu/6gha
  Replies (8) Good night (5795) Bad night (1136)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.

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  (919): Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7. http://tfl.nu/xclk
  Replies (7) Good night (3364) Bad night (1235)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..

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  (228): He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room.. http://tfl.nu/jg6e
  Replies (2) Good night (904) Bad night (1782)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love

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  (360): she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love http://tfl.nu/d5q9
  Replies (22) Good night (2281) Bad night (730)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.

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  (503): I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together. http://tfl.nu/6ddq
  Replies (15) Good night (1815) Bad night (732)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.

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  (254): By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook. http://tfl.nu/9v3n
  Replies (8) Good night (2075) Bad night (645)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.

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  (218): I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now. http://tfl.nu/xd1f
  Replies (7) Good night (627) Bad night (1156)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.

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  (612): I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night. http://tfl.nu/84z8
  Replies (1) Good night (866) Bad night (512)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.

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  (647): Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul. http://tfl.nu/h3kr
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (315)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays

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  (214): I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays http://tfl.nu/86wu
  Replies (0) Good night (487) Bad night (268)

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