don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?