butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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