I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
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I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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