he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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