there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
