Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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