No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
