Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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