Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
