well I can't set my house on fire every night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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