New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
