idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
