Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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