I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
