I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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