woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
