Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
