I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
