Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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