Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize