he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize