I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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