It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
