Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
