4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
