You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My balls are so social today.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
