Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
