The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
