Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
