i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
