Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
