Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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