You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
