no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
