it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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