ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
