Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
