I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
