There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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