My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My ATM looks so different sober.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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