He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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