we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
