'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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