what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
