I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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