I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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