Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
