Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
