New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
