I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
