He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
