lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
