Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
