Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
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I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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