Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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