R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Say something about gay babies.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
