taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
