I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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