you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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