we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
